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Traditional Absinthe
I hate to be the spoiler on my own review, but I'm telling you all in advance how shockingly bad this product is because I am going to explain my reasoning for my scoring as we go along here. I'll list, by category, the scoring tips most potentially applicable and my reason(s) for my decisions.

Appearance
Dark mossy green, looks clear. Hard to tell about haze, it would be very easy to hide in this level of coloration. Way too dark and over-colored.

2 = Artificial looking, substandard or deficient.
3 = Acceptable, but hazy/contaminated, too light or dark.
4 = Correct, clear, bright, natural, attractive.

Although natural looking, it isn't correct, bright, or attractive. This absinthe is simply far too over-colored, so a 3.

Louche
That would be basically none. I can read my computer screen through any part of an absinthe glass of this. Properly diluted, it looks like a watered down version of its unlouched self.

1 = None.
2 = Very slight, almost none.

Even though this exhibits the slightest, slightest haziness after water, it is nothing I would call a louche. There are plenty of other liquids that don't louche that exhibit haziness after water, as well. None is none. It's a 1.

Aroma
Unlouched, unlike anything I've ever experienced in a proper absinthe (no anise, just for one thing). Louched (watered), a slight green tea smell wrapped in a significant weediness. Smells like five year old dried parsley.

1 = Inappropriate, unpleasant, or predominately alcohol.
2 = Too weak/strong, peculiar, or very unbalanced.

Even though this is “Too weak/strong, peculiar, or very unbalanced” (probably all of those), it exceeds those substandard qualities by being inappropriate and unpleasant. This simply does not smell at all like proper absinthe. Inappropriate wins.

Flavor And Mouthfeel
I could try to describe this, but what's the point? Bitter, weedy, and generally unpleasant. Mouthfeel is thin and watery. Nothing like authentic absinthe.

1 = Unpleasant or inappropriate.
2 = Highly flawed, very unbalanced, or peculiar.

This is the same reasoning as “Aroma”. What flavors and mouthfeel this does display are just all wrong for absinthe. Inappropriate and unpleasant wins again.

Finish
A slightly astringent impression of the old parsley, some ragged bitterness, and very tired mint. This is no place I want to be.

1 = Uncharacteristic, off-putting, or offensive.
2 = Recedes quickly, or lingers unpleasantly.

Again, very similar to the last two categories. Yes, it does “linger unpleasantly”, but it does that in a completely uncharacteristic and off-putting style not consistent with authentic absinthe.

Overall Impression
This makes me wonder if the maker has ever tasted an authentic absinthe. If so, why did they make this? I spit out every mouthful since I really was afraid to swallow it. As I was squooshing it around my mouth, every time it got near my back palate, I almost gagged.

1 = Unacceptable.
2 = Barely acceptable, needs major improvement.

Actually, a score of 2 here was never in consideration because I think to be “barely acceptable” the product would have to, at the very least, show the fundamentals of absinthe which are anise, wormwood, and probably fennel as well, even if the quality were very poor. Yes, it needs major improvement, but it would be a major improvement if it were to just get to the level of a score of 2.

Well, if you've made it to this point you now know far more about this offering than you need to. And I've spent far more time than warranted. As I've typed this I have continued to sip and spit because I am so incredulous that someone could miss the mark this badly. But now I'm kissing this goodbye, and I suggest you move on too. Nothing to taste here.

Done with a 1 ounce dose, diluted 4.5:1, 5:1 and no sugar.

Absinthe Knarr, 06/23/12.
At this score level, will not do multiple evaluations.

My most appreciative thanks to the generous WS member who provided the samples.
Overall rating 
 
1.3
Appearance 
 
3.0
Louche 
 
1.0
Aroma 
 
1.0
Flavor / Mouthfeel 
 
1.0
Finish 
 
1.0
Overall 
 
1.0
Reviewed by Michael Meyers June 23, 2012
Last updated: August 07, 2012
Top 10 Reviewer  -   View all my reviews (53)

Knarr Knarr Hey Hey Kiss This Goodbye

I hate to be the spoiler on my own review, but I'm telling you all in advance how shockingly bad this product is because I am going to explain my reasoning for my scoring as we go along here. I'll list, by category, the scoring tips most potentially applicable and my reason(s) for my decisions.

Appearance
Dark mossy green, looks clear. Hard to tell about haze, it would be very easy to hide in this level of coloration. Way too dark and over-colored.

2 = Artificial looking, substandard or deficient.
3 = Acceptable, but hazy/contaminated, too light or dark.
4 = Correct, clear, bright, natural, attractive.

Although natural looking, it isn't correct, bright, or attractive. This absinthe is simply far too over-colored, so a 3.

Louche
That would be basically none. I can read my computer screen through any part of an absinthe glass of this. Properly diluted, it looks like a watered down version of its unlouched self.

1 = None.
2 = Very slight, almost none.

Even though this exhibits the slightest, slightest haziness after water, it is nothing I would call a louche. There are plenty of other liquids that don't louche that exhibit haziness after water, as well. None is none. It's a 1.

Aroma
Unlouched, unlike anything I've ever experienced in a proper absinthe (no anise, just for one thing). Louched (watered), a slight green tea smell wrapped in a significant weediness. Smells like five year old dried parsley.

1 = Inappropriate, unpleasant, or predominately alcohol.
2 = Too weak/strong, peculiar, or very unbalanced.

Even though this is “Too weak/strong, peculiar, or very unbalanced” (probably all of those), it exceeds those substandard qualities by being inappropriate and unpleasant. This simply does not smell at all like proper absinthe. Inappropriate wins.

Flavor And Mouthfeel
I could try to describe this, but what's the point? Bitter, weedy, and generally unpleasant. Mouthfeel is thin and watery. Nothing like authentic absinthe.

1 = Unpleasant or inappropriate.
2 = Highly flawed, very unbalanced, or peculiar.

This is the same reasoning as “Aroma”. What flavors and mouthfeel this does display are just all wrong for absinthe. Inappropriate and unpleasant wins again.

Finish
A slightly astringent impression of the old parsley, some ragged bitterness, and very tired mint. This is no place I want to be.

1 = Uncharacteristic, off-putting, or offensive.
2 = Recedes quickly, or lingers unpleasantly.

Again, very similar to the last two categories. Yes, it does “linger unpleasantly”, but it does that in a completely uncharacteristic and off-putting style not consistent with authentic absinthe.

Overall Impression
This makes me wonder if the maker has ever tasted an authentic absinthe. If so, why did they make this? I spit out every mouthful since I really was afraid to swallow it. As I was squooshing it around my mouth, every time it got near my back palate, I almost gagged.

1 = Unacceptable.
2 = Barely acceptable, needs major improvement.

Actually, a score of 2 here was never in consideration because I think to be “barely acceptable” the product would have to, at the very least, show the fundamentals of absinthe which are anise, wormwood, and probably fennel as well, even if the quality were very poor. Yes, it needs major improvement, but it would be a major improvement if it were to just get to the level of a score of 2.

Well, if you've made it to this point you now know far more about this offering than you need to. And I've spent far more time than warranted. As I've typed this I have continued to sip and spit because I am so incredulous that someone could miss the mark this badly. But now I'm kissing this goodbye, and I suggest you move on too. Nothing to taste here.

Done with a 1 ounce dose, diluted 4.5:1, 5:1 and no sugar.

Absinthe Knarr, 06/23/12.
At this score level, will not do multiple evaluations.

My most appreciative thanks to the generous WS member who provided the samples.

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Written by Amber Peter
July 25, 2012
"I hate to be the spoiler on my own review..."

10 words in, and I already have tears from laughter in my eyes.
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