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#1 baubel

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Posted 09 August 2011 - 11:54 AM

Written anything lately? With or without a dose nearby? Care to share it?

Last night I managed to piece together some high quality schlock- specifically the word "Shlurrrrrrrr" carried on for 35 pages as I had fallen asleep at the keyboard with my finger pressing the "r" key. I'd offer to share but it's a rather dull read, and it didn't really happen.



Oh, and let's try to keep the cricticism constructive. :pirate:

A little technological fix to a spiritual problem.


#2 Gwydion Stone

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Posted 09 August 2011 - 12:19 PM

AAA+++ Excellent Post. Would read again.

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#3 Harry

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Posted 09 August 2011 - 12:23 PM

Written anything lately? With or without a dose nearby? Care to share it?

Last night I managed to piece together some high quality schlock- specifically the word "Shlurrrrrrrr" carried on for 35 pages as I had fallen asleep at the keyboard with my finger pressing the "r" key. I'd offer to share but it's a rather dull read, and it didn't really happen.



Oh, and let's try to keep the cricticism constructive. :pirate:



.....ouch.....it is gladiator school all over again..........

......one comment to the left, and i have to face the big guy with the net and trident.....

#4 Gwydion Stone

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Posted 09 August 2011 - 12:37 PM

Hesitantly, reluctantly, Helen slipped out of her slim, tight-waisted waspy and stood naked in the moonlight before me.

Somewhere a clock chimed three.

An owl hooted in the nearby copse.

No wind stirred the casement window.

She stood in the pale, translucent light on the Persian carpet.

A minute passed.

Then another.

Then, another minute.

Then... another minute passed.

Then another minute passed.

And another.

A further minute passed quickly, followed by another minute, when suddenly, a different minute passed, followed by another different minute.

And another.

And yet another further different minute.

A minute passed.

I glanced at my watch.

It was a minute past.

This was it.

A minute passed.

After a moment, another minute passed.

I waited a minute while a minute passed quickly past.

And then, a minute which seemed to last an hour but was only a minute... passed.

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#5 Cletus

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Posted 09 August 2011 - 12:42 PM

:laf: thanks for the chuckle

#6 Absomphe

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Posted 09 August 2011 - 01:10 PM

An Ode to La Fee Verte (The winged wench, not the forum)
-----------------------------

Green is the color

Of my true love's gangrene

Purple is the color of her hair

Her eyes are yellow

When they're there

And when they're not

Their sockets are filled

With moldy blue rot.

Yes, I'm Krinkles the Clown on an absinthe a beer bender.

You got a problem with that?


#7 Père Ubu

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Posted 09 August 2011 - 01:51 PM

Abs, that is wonderful Vogon poetry!

#8 Absomphe

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Posted 09 August 2011 - 02:02 PM

That's funnier than you know, because, while it wasn't written by Douglas Adams, I must confess that I ripped it off from a 1960s novel that, quite coincidently, was titled "Douglas". :laugh: :cheers:

Edited by Absomphe, 09 August 2011 - 02:07 PM.

Yes, I'm Krinkles the Clown on an absinthe a beer bender.

You got a problem with that?


#9 sardonix

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Posted 09 August 2011 - 03:32 PM

Ed, is Niles mad at a damsel inside? :g:
I think, therefore I am. Or am I over-thinking? I am thinking it over...

#10 Alfred Jarry

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Posted 09 August 2011 - 05:44 PM

"National News"
"In other news, a piece of shit plopped up at the public pool, today," announced the station's anchor. "Police stated that an analysis of the poo showed high concentrations of Ritalin. Several children, suffering from ADHD at Dumfahk Elementary, were investigated as a result. From these investigations, a 10-year-old boy, whose name remains anonymous, was the noted culprit of the crime. In the face of the state prosecutor, defense lawyer, Ivonna Straddlecocke, stated that due to the boy's attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, it would be irresponsible for the state to hold the boy publicly responsible for the actions entailed, thus ending a thirty-minute investigation that chief of police, Captain Don Uts, stated 'Has undoubtedly wasted the time and money of tax paying citizens'. Officer Uts also stated that 'Crimes such as this will undoubtedly lead to the financial collapse of our country's economy'. Religious spokeswoman, Helen Flames, commented on the topic, stating that 'It would be best if the boy begged before the lord for forgiveness'. Spokeswoman Flames later noted that if the boy did not comply with the church's standards, it would be expected that 'Hellish flames should strike him from all sides, purging him of Satan's spirit, thus establishing peace and prosperity to all people'."



"The Dice of Death"
"Morphology is the lexicon for cybernetic sheep," said the ghost of a Flemish goblin, watching the sun paint his shoulders.

"The shit of the horse feeds the soil", said the semen-spurter.

Knowing that chomping on the semen of a sunflower was salty, he began spitting shells with his saliva. The acid-stained shots sailed onto an arc into the sky, wavering like a pink balloon, in the wind, until it popped like a teenage pimple.

"Cheese-grating pimple turnip," another said, watching the tall legs that evolution had granted to a young girl.

With her haunches burned into their heads, they wondered: "On what side of the die was Death?"

Symbolic studies showed Death meant sex for some.

"So if two is the side of Death, then the side of life is a single shaded circle," intoned the nearby tranny.

"If Death means sex, then sex means snake eyes for some, " farted a tangerine saucer.

Nature showed the incessant need for sex in order to survive. That is to say Death, or else, snake eyes (i.e., a single dot on two separate die).

Edited by Alfred Jarry, 11 August 2011 - 07:18 AM.

"Anti-alcoholics are unfortunates in the grip of water, that terrible poison, so solvent and corrosive that out of all substances, it has been chosen for washing and scourings, and a drop of water, added to a clear liquid like Absinthe, muddies it."

#11 Brian Robinson

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Posted 09 August 2011 - 06:58 PM

Hesitantly, reluctantly, Helen slipped out of her slim, tight-waisted waspy and stood naked in the moonlight before me.

Love that skit.
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#12 Gwydion Stone

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Posted 09 August 2011 - 07:08 PM

Ed, is Niles mad at a damsel inside? :g:

No sir! Away! A papaya war is on!

Maker of Marteau Absinthe and Foxtrot London Dry Gin
Distiller, Stone & Szilard Distilling Co.
www.absinthemarteau.com


#13 Jack Griffin

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Posted 09 August 2011 - 07:12 PM

Does the goblin's ghost know if androids dream of them?

#14 baubel

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Posted 09 August 2011 - 07:44 PM

Nevermore eggman, goo goo ka choo.

A little technological fix to a spiritual problem.


#15 Jack Griffin

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Posted 10 August 2011 - 06:50 AM

OK guys...here you go. Head on the chopping block.
This is a short short story I wrote a couple years for a magazine project.
They chose a different story about a guy who's brother died. Can't blame 'em I guess.
Close second it seems.
I may send it out to another mag or two if I find the time.

Full Suspension

#16 Alfred Jarry

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Posted 10 August 2011 - 10:00 AM

Does the goblin's ghost know if androids dream of them?



"Anti-alcoholics are unfortunates in the grip of water, that terrible poison, so solvent and corrosive that out of all substances, it has been chosen for washing and scourings, and a drop of water, added to a clear liquid like Absinthe, muddies it."

#17 distill my beating heart

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Posted 10 August 2011 - 10:41 AM

The sky is round and clear and western big.

The air cools quickly in the setting sun.

The shadows are long and jagged blue across endless washboard fields.

A distant dog howls into the gathering darkness.

A bird I used to know cries one last time before going invisible.

I turn on the light. Reflected in the glass is a puzzled grey monkey, one hundred years old.

That’s very old for a monkey.

I wave at the monkey.

He waves back.

Together we will try to remember a distant past we think we know.

We will probably lie about it.

It no longer exists the way it was.

But then maybe it never did.

”Same river, different water,” the monkey says.

I smile at the monkey and think: ‘Humor him. He may have a gun.’
If we make it, we can sit back and relax...

#18 Alfred Jarry

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Posted 10 August 2011 - 02:30 PM

Nevermore eggman, goo goo ka choo.


That's right, The Mascara Snake.
"Anti-alcoholics are unfortunates in the grip of water, that terrible poison, so solvent and corrosive that out of all substances, it has been chosen for washing and scourings, and a drop of water, added to a clear liquid like Absinthe, muddies it."

#19 sardonix

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Posted 10 August 2011 - 03:34 PM

Nevermore eggman, goo goo ka choo.



Gesundheit!
I think, therefore I am. Or am I over-thinking? I am thinking it over...

#20 sardonix

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Posted 10 August 2011 - 03:51 PM

Ed, is Niles mad at a damsel inside? :g:

No sir! Away! A papaya war is on!


:) I once had a pal in dromedary wrestling...
I think, therefore I am. Or am I over-thinking? I am thinking it over...

#21 Alfred Jarry

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Posted 10 August 2011 - 06:32 PM

The sky is round and clear and western big.

The air cools quickly in the setting sun.

The shadows are long and jagged blue across endless washboard fields.

A distant dog howls into the gathering darkness.

A bird I used to know cries one last time before going invisible.

I turn on the light. Reflected in the glass is a puzzled grey monkey, one hundred years old.

That's very old for a monkey.

I wave at the monkey.

He waves back.

Together we will try to remember a distant past we think we know.

We will probably lie about it.

It no longer exists the way it was.

But then maybe it never did.

"Same river, different water," the monkey says.

I smile at the monkey and think: 'Humor him. He may have a gun.'


"He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster. And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee." - Friedrich Nietzsche
"Anti-alcoholics are unfortunates in the grip of water, that terrible poison, so solvent and corrosive that out of all substances, it has been chosen for washing and scourings, and a drop of water, added to a clear liquid like Absinthe, muddies it."

#22 Alfred Jarry

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Posted 10 August 2011 - 06:54 PM

OK guys...here you go. Head on the chopping block.
This is a short short story I wrote a couple years for a magazine project.
They chose a different story about a guy who's brother died. Can't blame 'em I guess.
Close second it seems.
I may send it out to another mag or two if I find the time.

Full Suspension


A man of pleasure is a man of pains.

~ Edward Young (1683-1765)



The aim of the wise is not to secure pleasure, but to avoid pain.

~ Aristotle (384BC - 322BC)
"Anti-alcoholics are unfortunates in the grip of water, that terrible poison, so solvent and corrosive that out of all substances, it has been chosen for washing and scourings, and a drop of water, added to a clear liquid like Absinthe, muddies it."

#23 Jack Griffin

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Posted 10 August 2011 - 07:57 PM

Being in pain sucks. Pleasure's better.

-Bob Winklewitz

#24 Alfred Jarry

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Posted 11 August 2011 - 07:09 AM

Being in pain sucks. Pleasure's better.

-Bob Winklewitz


Hear, hear! :cheers:

Edited by Alfred Jarry, 11 August 2011 - 07:16 AM.

"Anti-alcoholics are unfortunates in the grip of water, that terrible poison, so solvent and corrosive that out of all substances, it has been chosen for washing and scourings, and a drop of water, added to a clear liquid like Absinthe, muddies it."

#25 Absomphe

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Posted 11 August 2011 - 07:28 AM

Why run, when you can walk?

Why walk, when you can stand?

Why stand, when you can lie down?

Why just lie down, when you can sleep?


---The Cat-echism, as related to us by our (now 25lb) growing boy Maine Coon, Dexter.

Yes, I'm Krinkles the Clown on an absinthe a beer bender.

You got a problem with that?


#26 Hedonmonkey

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Posted 11 August 2011 - 09:23 AM

That's one brilliant, bad-ass cat you've got there. :thumbup:

I pledge allegiance to Queen Fragg and her mighty state of Hysteria...     -Calvin

 

"Until you stalk and overrun, you can't devour anyone."    -Hobbes


#27 Alfred Jarry

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Posted 12 August 2011 - 07:12 AM

"Marionettes"
A favorable man is a man who moves the way others model. He is a puppet on strings at a play; only he doesn't know he's playing a part. All people are underpaid actors, who recite similar sounding scripts. Still, there are some, who, with scissors, resist and snip at the strings on their shoulders and spines. But, afterwards, such men can't move. They soon realize that all their movements had come from someone else pulling at their strings. And, so, immobile, how can they model? And, without script, how can they speak so as not to disrupt the other actors' story? This is how freedom, I find, is often found. People sit in place, free and still and silent as the sun… which the Earth still, somehow, finds the sense to circle.



"Seedless Watermelon"
Directions: Read the following passage below. Select the best answer that corresponds to the proceeding question.

Language creates culture. Culture makes meaning. And meaning makes for emotion.

Emotions are like pre-manufactured packages—presents from past people—ghosts, giving hand-me-down gifts from the grave.

Simply put: Upon birth, your brain was fertile but bare. Now, flowers bloom forth.

Question: "Who put the seeds in your soil?"

A) Ghosts

B ) Puritans

C) Linguistically conscious creatures

D) A and C only

E) All of the above

Edited by Alfred Jarry, 12 August 2011 - 02:54 PM.

"Anti-alcoholics are unfortunates in the grip of water, that terrible poison, so solvent and corrosive that out of all substances, it has been chosen for washing and scourings, and a drop of water, added to a clear liquid like Absinthe, muddies it."

#28 Jack Griffin

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Posted 12 August 2011 - 08:17 AM

My answer: The powers in the universe don't get cable, so they fuck with us.

#29 Alfred Jarry

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Posted 12 August 2011 - 12:27 PM

I always thought that "the powers at be" were the ones who controlled the cable stations?
"Anti-alcoholics are unfortunates in the grip of water, that terrible poison, so solvent and corrosive that out of all substances, it has been chosen for washing and scourings, and a drop of water, added to a clear liquid like Absinthe, muddies it."

#30 Hedonmonkey

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Posted 12 August 2011 - 12:51 PM

The powers in the universe don't get cable, so they fuck with us.


Quite understandable. I don't do cable, (or sat. tv) which allows me much more time to fuck with people. :devil:

I pledge allegiance to Queen Fragg and her mighty state of Hysteria...     -Calvin

 

"Until you stalk and overrun, you can't devour anyone."    -Hobbes



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