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The Absinthe Joke thread


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#1 Jay

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Posted 04 August 2009 - 12:18 PM

I couldn't find a similarly-themed thread in the forum, and I think humor is the best medicine (after a dose of the green fairy, of course), but if there is one and I simply missed it in my non-drunken haze, feel free to move this post into it.

So, here's one worthy of WS to start us off with:



After a distiller's convention, several of the salespeople decide to go out for a drink.

The guy from LTV sits down and says to the bartender, "Sir, I would like a shot of Virgin's contractually-obligated brand of absinthe -- LTV." The bartender pulls the green bottle down from the shelf and pours him one.

The salesman from the L'Or distillery, "Give me the absinthe fratboys all over the world prove their manliness with -- give me 'The King Of Spirits'." The bartender pours him a shot.

The guy from Hill's says, "I want the bohemian absinth du'jour that doesn't need an 'e' on the end: give me a Hill's. Oh, and a pack of matches." He gets them.

The salesman from the Combier distillery sits down and says, "I'll have a glass of orange juice." The bartender is a little taken aback, but pours the juice for him.

The other salesmen look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Jade, or a Lucid?" To which the Combier salesman replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking absinthe, neither would I."

#2 Jay

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Posted 04 August 2009 - 12:32 PM

A lot of you probably recognize that first joke as a modified version of an old beer joke. Here's some OC with a joke I just made up, so tell me what you think.


Question: What's the difference between chlorophyll and chloroform?
Answer: Either one would knock you out if it was used to color a Czechsinthe.

#3 Jay

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Posted 04 August 2009 - 01:25 PM

A man walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, "What can I get you?"

The man says, "Set me up with seven absinthes." The bartender pours seven doses into seven glasses and watches the man power-louche all seven with a quickness and then drink one down, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking.

"You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have."

The bartender asks trepidatiously, "What do you have?"

The man whispers, "I have a dollar."


[another "modified" joke]

#4 Absomphe

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Posted 04 August 2009 - 01:38 PM

Elixier.
KOS
KOSG
Perigan
Kruts Karport
Hills
LTV
Any absinth bottle with the word 'strong' on the label.

The list is far too long to enumerate in its entirety.

Yes, I'm Krinkles the Clown on an absinthe a beer bender.

You got a problem with that?


#5 baubel

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Posted 04 August 2009 - 01:49 PM

Weak, puny, tiny, and pathetic are okay though.

"Quizno's Absinth Pathetic" Sounds legit.

A little technological fix to a spiritual problem.


#6 Jay

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Posted 04 August 2009 - 02:57 PM

Not to be confused with Tchaikovsky's "Pathetique", I hope. I like that symphony.

#7 baubel

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Posted 04 August 2009 - 03:52 PM

This is starting to sound like that other thread...

A little technological fix to a spiritual problem.


#8 Alan Moss

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Posted 04 August 2009 - 10:02 PM

I couldn't find a similarly-themed thread in the forum


An earlier absinthe joke thread. Which went off-topic much more quickly.
www.laclandestine.com: Hand-crafted in the birthplace of absinthe.

#9 baubel

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Posted 04 August 2009 - 11:50 PM

Mmm, oozing anethol.


It's scary that Joe knew so much about me before I joined the forum.

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#10 precenphix

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Posted 07 August 2009 - 05:02 AM

What’s funnier than King of Spirits Absinth?









Placing the word “Gold” as an adjective in the “deluxe” version to denote better “quality”.

Thank you. I’m here all week. Remember to tip your waiters and bartenders.
Those with knowledge easily sense the truth of things. Those with egos built up on rumor and fancy, tend to maintain a hard line. - Tatan (Evan Camomile)

#11 Wild Bill Turkey

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Posted 11 August 2009 - 08:34 PM

Why did Paul Nathan cross the street?





Tabu paid him to.
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#12 baubel

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Posted 12 August 2009 - 05:04 AM

Okay that's two. One more time and I'm telling y'all, he's gonna make a *grande* re-appearance.

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#13 Absomphe

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Posted 12 August 2009 - 06:49 AM

Time to invest in one of those anti-vampire kits.

Yes, I'm Krinkles the Clown on an absinthe a beer bender.

You got a problem with that?


#14 Clement Arnoux (Aggelos)

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Posted 12 August 2009 - 06:53 AM

Works on Stephen King-esque monsters also ?
Absinthe makes me a different man. Why shouldn't he also have his two glasses ?
Unless Absomphe-related, if it's about old things, you can ask me

#15 Absomphe

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Posted 12 August 2009 - 12:13 PM

We all float down here, Aggelos.

You'll float, too. :cool-reaper:

Yes, I'm Krinkles the Clown on an absinthe a beer bender.

You got a problem with that?


#16 baubel

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Posted 12 August 2009 - 01:01 PM

Paul Nathan.












:twitchsmile: :twitchsmile: :twitchsmile: :twitchsmile:

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#17 Phoenix

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Posted 12 August 2009 - 04:45 PM

Q: How many Paul Nathan's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: I'm so glad you brought up "the bust" because I think it's such a fascinating story. Let's start from the beginning...
"He's a politician. It's like being a hooker. You can't be one unless you can pretend to like people while you're f***ing them."

#18 OMG_Bill

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Posted 12 August 2009 - 05:23 PM

Not bad Phoenix, a bit like reality TV. I also liked the one baubel posted. *grin*
Some folks may cringe each time I use the term "Booze" regarding these high quality drinks.
I mean no offense. There are bottles of extraordinary booze out there. I've tasted a few. Relax.

#19 Brian Robinson

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Posted 12 August 2009 - 06:08 PM

Q: How many Paul Nathan's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: I'm so glad you brought up "the bust" because I think it's such a fascinating story. Let's start from the beginning...

:laf: :laf: :laf: :laf:
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#20 Absomphe

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Posted 12 August 2009 - 06:42 PM

Dr. O.

Yes, I'm Krinkles the Clown on an absinthe a beer bender.

You got a problem with that?


#21 sardonix

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Posted 12 August 2009 - 06:52 PM

We all float down here, Aggelos.

You'll float, too. :cool-reaper:



:laugh: Pennywise, pound foolish...
I think, therefore I am. Or am I over-thinking? I am thinking it over...

#22 baubel

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Posted 12 August 2009 - 07:12 PM

Not bad Phoenix, a bit like reality TV. I also liked the one baubel posted. *grin*




Somebody bribed me to post it for a bottle of something.









Is that a bus I hear? :devil:

A little technological fix to a spiritual problem.


#23 Wild Bill Turkey

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Posted 12 August 2009 - 07:36 PM

Q: How many Paul Nathan's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: I'm so glad you brought up "the bust" because I think it's such a fascinating story. Let's start from the beginning...

:laf: :laf: :laf: :laf:

What Shabba said!
"I'm always amused when a member incorporates a quote from another member into their signature." - fpb

#24 precenphix

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Posted 13 August 2009 - 09:40 AM

jmfranc.
Those with knowledge easily sense the truth of things. Those with egos built up on rumor and fancy, tend to maintain a hard line. - Tatan (Evan Camomile)

#25 Absomphe

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Posted 13 August 2009 - 01:09 PM

Fredie.

Yes, I'm Krinkles the Clown on an absinthe a beer bender.

You got a problem with that?


#26 Jen Dixon

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Posted 19 August 2009 - 12:47 PM

Q: How many Paul Nathan's does it take to screw in a light bulb?...

I shouldn't laugh, but I had a read of the guy's site and...
well, the joke is funny. :laugh:
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#27 Clement Arnoux (Aggelos)

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Posted 19 August 2009 - 09:33 PM

Do you know the difference between Hill's and urine ?

Well, at lest urine is naturally colored

(love the one about P. Nathan)
Absinthe makes me a different man. Why shouldn't he also have his two glasses ?
Unless Absomphe-related, if it's about old things, you can ask me

#28 Absomphe

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Posted 20 August 2009 - 07:21 AM

Urine is also a much better value for the money.

Yes, I'm Krinkles the Clown on an absinthe a beer bender.

You got a problem with that?



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