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Zman (Marc Bernhard)

A call to arms

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After the "Booze you love to hate" thread and seeing the photos of the do-it-yourself-style assbynthe, I really do need a glass of real absinthe now.

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gives you a great "absinthe effect"(colors seem brighter, vision is clearer, hearing is improved, overall hightened sense of awareness, not a slurring scotch drunk...

 

Not to mention you can run faster, play the piano better, and learn any ballroom dance in but an instant.

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Well, here's more Ebay buffoonery...

http://cgi.ebay.com/ABSINTHE-HOME-WINE-BRE...1QQcmdZViewItem

Now this clown is claiming:

 

"this absinthe is eight times stronger than the absinthe sold in Europe" :laf:

 

"Each of our kit now comes with our unique micron filtration system as a substitute for distillation providing a mechanism of separating unwanted particles from the finished product." :laf:

 

"We have spent hundreds of hours refining this and testing the correct blend to bring you the most authentic absinthe kit available" :laf:

 

"Our micron filtration ensures you don't end up with a poor quality questionable product" Wanna bet? :laf:

 

Oh, well. I guess that this is another example of an scammer hoping to make good on P.T. Barnum's maxim.

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Oh, and if that wasn't enough...

http://cgi.ebay.com/Absinthe-Herb-Kit-Extr...1QQcmdZViewItem

 

Some jewels from this idiot:

 

"The only thing you need to do is buy the grain alcohol and filter the result." :laf:

 

"Unlike many of the other Absinthe kits you may find online, this process doesn't involve the simple mixing of essential oils and vodka. That method is by no means authentic and can be potentially dangerous. They claim that it's silly to soak herbs in a dark closet, but that's the original process!" :laf:

 

"Finally, they'll have you add a significant amount of sugar to the mixture well before it's ever drunk. Adding that much sugar, especially before the drink is being served will ruin the authentic taste and aging process of the absinthe" :laf:

 

"Scientific analysis over the past 50 years has shown that Absinthe made according to the original recipes, with solely macerated herbs yields a very safe level of Thujone" :laf:

 

" Genuine Absinthe is a very bitter, yellowish green drink usually between 49% and 74% alcohol, and if you do indeed infuse alcohol with the herbs, there is no guarantee that you'll enjoy the result...while it will taste close enough to authentic Absinthe, it is an acquired taste, enjoyed by many artists and members of the elite in history. Absinthe is not sweet at all by itself. Usually water is poured over sugar right before the absinthe is served if desired by the drinker. This step isn't required however. When water is added, the greenish drink should turn milky white, if the 'finishing herbs' were used correctly. This 'louching' effect isn't necesarry but is a sign of authentic absinth" :laf:

 

There is so much wrong with that above paragraph that I can only say, "Wow, just wow." I've italicized the real areas of stupidity for your edification.

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The hits just keep on coming!

http://cgi.ebay.com/Absinthe-making-kit-ma...1QQcmdZViewItem

 

Werdz of wizdum...

 

"When you receive this kit you'll be enjoying real Absinthe in SECONDS" :laf:

 

"The funny thing about Absinthe is, it's the only liquor with wormwood that is illegal to import" (Tell that to the guys at Lucid and Kübler...) :laf:

 

"Our Absinthe Pro TF essence, when combined with our Wormwood Schnapps essence, is the pinnacle of Absinthe making" :laf: :laf:

 

"...resulting in a liquor that will rival the traditional Absinthe of long ago" :laf:

 

"Try to import a bottle of Absinthe and it's going to cost you over a hundred dollars" (Yeah, sometimes.)

 

"Some people peddling herbs claim that adding essences to vodka doesn't make real absinthe, yet they are peddling fewer herbs in their "kit" than are already extracted in our essences! After making absinthe with our kit, add a little water to your glass and the emerald green spirit clouds into a milky, minty green. This "louching" effect is a sign of authentic absinthe. Our essences are custom made in Europe where bottled absinthe is made. Make no mistake, this kit makes authentic absinthe." :laf:

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Can someone tell me if blood really is running out my ears? I think that Ebay ad busted something...

 

Bid now and you will receive, absolutely free, a high gloss 3.5" x 3.5" Absinthe Label. Put it on your favorite liquor bottle and turn it into a magnificent work of art (lo-res sample of Absinthe label seen below, actual label is stunning).

 

Dare I dream?

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Bid now and you will receive, absolutely free, a high gloss 3.5" x 3.5" Absinthe Label. Put it on your favorite liquor bottle and turn it into a magnificent work of art (lo-res sample of Absinthe label seen below, actual label is stunning).

 

I am holding out for the Ginsu knives.. or at least the cap snafler!

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Just when you thought things couldn't get any stupider, along comes this...

http://www.absolutelyabsinthe.com/

 

A few gems from this idiot (Samantha Burrows):

 

"And thujone, it is believed, can bring your mind to a peculiar state of heightened awareness..." :laf:

 

"When making absinthe, it is important to pay attention to the quality of wormwood. Organic, sun-dried wormwood is best"

Sun dried!?!? Yah, for that nice brown color. :laf:

 

"Modern-day commercial absinthe manufacturers often leave calamus out altogether, despite the fact that it was an essential ingredient in all pre-ban absinthe recipes."

Somebody better tell Duplais... :laf:

 

"Easy two-step steeping process" :laf:

 

Somebody better warn LDF and Absinthe-Distribution that someone's after their market share.

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The style, domain host and thanks to one of the writers makes me wonder if this is the dirty side of absinthefever.com
Absolutely Absinthe: Copyright Samantha Burrows

Absinthe Fever: Contact Samantha@AbsintheFever.com

Tribe "contact:" Dr. Sam (female?).

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The style, domain host and thanks to one of the writers makes me wonder if this is the dirty side of absinthefever.com

Absolutely Absinthe: Copyright Samantha Burrows

Absinthe Fever: Contact Samantha@AbsintheFever.com

Tribe "contact:" Dr. Sam (female?).

 

 

It appears you've finally figured out the identity of the mysterious DRAbsinthe

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Well it should be noted they only list Samantha as being the writer of some of their info. As usual with these scam sites the actual owners aren't named.

I also don't think absinthefever has the same tone or drive as Drabsam.

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Another rip-off dork joins the crapsinthe fray...

http://cgi.ebay.com/Absinthe-Essence-Kit-M...1QQcmdZViewItem

 

It appears that he/she/it is using bulk Gert Strand essence and re bottling it. Yuk. :thumbdown:

 

"...this item is sold as a novelty item only and is not intended for human consumption"

At least they are honest about something. I sure as hell would never intend anything like this crap for human consumption.

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