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#1 bjm319

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Posted 25 February 2007 - 04:39 PM

Green Fairy

By

Thom Young


It was that whore Emily that caused it. Drunk. I had never cared for that bitch, but in her sheer arrogance; she caused it. It was my first introduction to the ‘Green Fairy‘. You can only dance with her so much; at least I could only stand a few waltzes. I ordered it through a mail order catalog magazine. It was an upscale liqueur shop in Paris, France. I did a little bit of research on it before sending my sixty dollars overseas. They converted the US greenbacks to Francs over there, or that’s what they claimed. It seemed such a chic thing to do; I was a writer after all. All the great ones had used it. I was just finding my place in the pantheon of artists and scribes of yester-year.

I already got drunk on beer or whiskey every night. I needed something else to boost my creativity; to get the proverbial juices flowing. I had smoked hash, it was good. I had heard that absinthe was a similar high. A few hours of reading at the Skillman Public Library, made me think it was harmless. I got one bottle; it would take about three weeks to arrive at my apartment on Lovers Lane. I passed the remaining weeks drinking beer and writing a few short stories. It was a countdown to bliss and destruction. For regular types, absinthe would have the same effect as a strong whiskey or gin; not for me.

I had suffered a stroke at age thirteen. It had changed my brain chemically. I didn’t think like normal people or at least I thought. My persona was different. Very Cosmopolitan. I didn’t get sad when others did. I never laughed at normal humor. I chose those awkward times to let out a burst of laughter that offended others. It worked well with the ladies until about the third date; then the usual no communication or broken date. I was delighted to see my package arrive one October evening. I had spent the previous night drunk on Schlitz down at the Barley House. A drunk was excited to see more booze arrive in the postal box.

Absinthe was different. It had wormwood in it. I guess that is why it was illegal in the US; the FDA had freaked out back at the turn of the century. This was due mostly towards a bad reputation it had gotten thanks to the California wine makers. Absinthe was getting popular; and the grape whores were losing money. They didn’t want competition, so absinthe turned into bottled poison overnight.

I just wanted to try it; at this point in my life I had little to look forward to anymore. I had studied the ritual of drinking it. It was a ceremony that entailed ice water, sugar-cubes, and a silver spoon with slits in it. You placed the sugar-cubes on top of the spoon over a glass, and then you dripped cold ice water on the sugar until it fell through the spoon into the glass. This was the correct method. Amateurs set the sugar a blaze and then dropped the cubes in the glass. Blasphemy. I decided to have the ritual that night after work. I was working another shit job at a bookstore. The fairy couldn’t fly here quickly enough.

I had set all the ritual objects out on my battered coffee table. They would await my arrival about nine that evening. The absinthe was dyed green; it wasn’t really green in its pure form or so I had read. The research was over; I was ready for my first glass. I set the mood, turning on my lava lamp and putting the Doors on the record player. I put a little more than an ounce of absinthe in the wine glass. At least the grape whores had one consolation. I put the sugar cubes on top of the spoon. I slowly dripped ice water on the sugar, watching with glee as the water dripped into the absinthe. Hemingway smiled.

I let my glass sit awhile. This ritual was time consuming, but yet fascinating. I was easily fascinated. The absinthe had turned a milky green color. This was called the louche. I had completed the ritual perfectly. I pulled the glass to my lips and took a nice snort. It was licorice tasting and had a mild herbal flavor. I wasn’t too impressed with the first glass. I completed the ritual again for a second glass. The Doors played ‘The End’; Jim could set a mood.

The second glass was better. I got a warm feeling in my whole body. It was different from a beer buzz or whiskey high. I stared at the television for an extended amount of time. I seemed to see right through it. I realized that I had wasted years of my life staring at an idiot box. I soon felt sleepy. I passed out on the couch and finished the glass. The next day, I felt good. There was no hangover. I really enjoyed my first absinthe experience. I made it a regular routine that whole week. I came home from the bookstore, and drank two glasses before bed.

The second week wasn’t as good. I woke up with a throbbing headache. I took some aspirin, this only made it worse. It was a brain squeeze. I had some sort of allergic reaction to the absinthe. My mind ran the gauntlet of the worst possible scenarios. I was going to die. My head would not start stop throbbing, a train was beating my skull with a sledgehammer. Most normal citizens would stop, I didn’t. I drank two glasses every night; more absinthe would solve the headaches. Such logic had gotten me in trouble in the past. I could drink another shot of whiskey. Sure, I’ll have another glass of rot gut. I can drive perfectly after eight pints. It’s a good sign that I puked. Drunks only hurt themselves, mostly because they hate reality.

I awoke one morning to find my head still hurting and the left side of my face numb. I was having another stroke. I was dying. He was a good man. He lived a good life. He was the best book clerk around. His few friends enjoyed him. I stumbled out of bed, and called my boss. It was four thirty in the morning. I had no concept of time. I wasn’t going to work today. My boss almost sound concerned, even though it was early. I called my brother next.
“Hey brother, I think you better take me to the emergency room.”
“What?” “Are you alright?”
“My face is numb.” “I have a splitting headache.”
“Okay, I’m on my way.”

The clock read four forty three. My brother hauled ass down the toll road. We were at Parkland hospital in no time. I described my symptoms and they took me to a bed. There was a shitty ER doctor working the graveyard shift. They all jacked off when the found out my medical history. They set up all kinds of tests on my brain. I had the works. The MRI, CAT scan, chest X-ray. I was in for a day of fun. My brother sat there patiently waiting while I played the role of lab rat. The doctors had seemed more enthralled with my past medical records.
“Did you have stroke at age 13?”
“Yes”.
“What caused it?”
“I don’t know.”
“How old were you again?”
“Thirteen.”
“Wow, I’ve never heard of that before.”

This went on almost every time a new quack came in. The fat Mexican nurse poked an IV in my arm. She stabbed a nerve. They prided themselves on their training of nurses. After all the tests, the doctor cleared me to go home. I still had a headache. My folks called several times and talked to my brother. I loved my family.

I was due to follow up with a brain doctor in a week. I never went. I didn’t pick up the phone. I knew it was them calling. I didn’t drink absinthe again. My headaches went away, and I didn’t have another stroke. I was going to live. It was nothing but straight ways from here on out.

One night after a shit day at the bookstore, I stopped to check the mail. I had a letter from Emily.
‘I hope you stopped drinking.’
There was still some green fairy left in that bottle back in my apartment.


The End

#2 Absomphe

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Posted 25 February 2007 - 06:06 PM

The last two words really hooked me...

I love a denouement with a great twist.

Yes, I'm Krinkles the Clown on an absinthe a beer bender.

You got a problem with that?


#3 DesertWolf

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Posted 25 February 2007 - 06:13 PM

Let's see how long the rest of that bottle lasts.. :dev-cheers:
I start to feel like I am in an existentialist play written by a person with multiple personality disorder...

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." -- Philip K. Dick

"I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart." -- ee cummings

#4 bjm319

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Posted 25 February 2007 - 06:38 PM

Let's see how long the rest of that bottle lasts.. :dev-cheers:



a friend of mine who writes, wrote that about his first absinthe experience, he got me into it, i am looking to buy a bottle soon, got any good suggestions?

#5 DesertWolf

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Posted 25 February 2007 - 06:40 PM

Plenty, just read through the reviews forum, or what your drinking tonight.
But on the top, any Jade, Duplais, or La Volate.
I start to feel like I am in an existentialist play written by a person with multiple personality disorder...

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." -- Philip K. Dick

"I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart." -- ee cummings

#6 bjm319

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Posted 25 February 2007 - 06:45 PM

Plenty, just read through the reviews forum, or what your drinking tonight.
But on the top, any Jade, Duplais, or La Volate.



thanks, i think my friend got his headaches from drinking doubs....i look forward to trying a quality absinthe

#7 DesertWolf

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Posted 25 February 2007 - 06:48 PM

Just use any of the first 3 vendors listed on the vendors list, and you will be good.
Have fun! :cheers:
I start to feel like I am in an existentialist play written by a person with multiple personality disorder...

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." -- Philip K. Dick

"I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart." -- ee cummings

#8 OMG_Bill

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Posted 25 February 2007 - 07:14 PM

Doubs gave me a headache. Nyquil gave me a headache. Hmm, the colors are close as well as viscosity.

The suggestions are good, buy more than one bottle.

Share with your friend.

:cheers:
Some folks may cringe each time I use the term "Booze" regarding these high quality drinks.
I mean no offense. There are bottles of extraordinary booze out there. I've tasted a few. Relax.

#9 DesertWolf

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Posted 25 February 2007 - 07:16 PM

I agree with the buy more than one bottle, the shipping cost suck. If you only order one bottle you may pay more for shipping than the bottle.
I start to feel like I am in an existentialist play written by a person with multiple personality disorder...

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." -- Philip K. Dick

"I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart." -- ee cummings

#10 Martin Lake

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Posted 26 February 2007 - 02:49 PM

I passed out on the couch and finished the glass.


Kudos to your friend. It's an impressive drinker who can pass out and then finish his drink.
Ah, la petite mort; such beautiful suicide.

#11 DesertWolf

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Posted 26 February 2007 - 02:58 PM

One word: Osmosis
:tongue:
I start to feel like I am in an existentialist play written by a person with multiple personality disorder...

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." -- Philip K. Dick

"I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart." -- ee cummings

#12 Joe Legate

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Posted 26 February 2007 - 03:02 PM

Wow. And all this time, I thought I was just spilling my drink down my shirt.

#13 DesertWolf

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Posted 26 February 2007 - 03:03 PM

Well, that too...
I start to feel like I am in an existentialist play written by a person with multiple personality disorder...

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." -- Philip K. Dick

"I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart." -- ee cummings

#14 bjm319

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Posted 26 February 2007 - 03:17 PM

Well, that too...


he is indeed a champion drinker,

#15 DesertWolf

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Posted 26 February 2007 - 03:20 PM

Your friend or T73? ;)
I start to feel like I am in an existentialist play written by a person with multiple personality disorder...

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." -- Philip K. Dick

"I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart." -- ee cummings

#16 Absomphe

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Posted 26 February 2007 - 05:21 PM

Wow. And all this time, I thought I was just spilling my drink down my shirt.


Hey, T, I know it was before your time here, but believe me, that was my gig first, and it's tougher to live down the green A on the shirt than it was for Hester Prynne to cope with her scarlet version. :)

Yes, I'm Krinkles the Clown on an absinthe a beer bender.

You got a problem with that?


#17 Joe Legate

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Posted 26 February 2007 - 06:15 PM

Green A
or
Scarlet A

Not a tough decision.

#18 jcbphd

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Posted 26 February 2007 - 06:21 PM

Hey, T, I know it was before your time here, but believe me, that was my gig first, and it's tougher to live down the green A on the shirt than it was for Hester Prynne to cope with her scarlet version. :)


Arthur, is that you?
Temperance, like chastity, is its own punishment. ~Four Vines "The Peasant"

Ça descend la gorge comme le bébé Jésus en culottes de velours.

You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you do not trust enough. ~Frank Crane

#19 Absomphe

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Posted 26 February 2007 - 06:25 PM

No, I'm taller. B)

Yes, I'm Krinkles the Clown on an absinthe a beer bender.

You got a problem with that?


#20 Nymphadora

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Posted 27 February 2007 - 03:16 PM

Sorry JCP, you must be mistaken.

Arthur was the young guy. Chillingworth was the evil OLD COOT. :biggrin:
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

#21 jcbphd

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Posted 27 February 2007 - 03:18 PM

Ah, thanks for clarifying my error. ;)
Temperance, like chastity, is its own punishment. ~Four Vines "The Peasant"

Ça descend la gorge comme le bébé Jésus en culottes de velours.

You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you do not trust enough. ~Frank Crane

#22 Absomphe

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Posted 27 February 2007 - 04:39 PM

Chillingworth?

Hmmmm....

Yes, I'm Krinkles the Clown on an absinthe a beer bender.

You got a problem with that?


#23 Joe Legate

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Posted 27 February 2007 - 06:37 PM

Sorry JCP, you must be mistaken.

Arthur was the young guy. Chillingworth was the evil OLD COOT. :biggrin:

I've got evil down pat and I'm gaining on the "OLD COOT" every passing day. :devil:

#24 Nymphadora

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Posted 27 February 2007 - 06:37 PM

:laf:

Like the pseudonym. You crack me up, old man. Now back into the restraints or no more apple sauce for you!
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

#25 Joe Legate

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Posted 27 February 2007 - 06:39 PM

"Restraints?" Have you been talking to Maggie?

#26 Nymphadora

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Posted 27 February 2007 - 06:41 PM

Oh, I was referring to Absomphe's restraints at the old fogey home. You can usually coax him back into his room if you promise him more jello.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

#27 DesertWolf

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Posted 27 February 2007 - 06:59 PM

Or a fresh glass of absinthe.. :tongue:
I start to feel like I am in an existentialist play written by a person with multiple personality disorder...

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." -- Philip K. Dick

"I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart." -- ee cummings

#28 jcbphd

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Posted 27 February 2007 - 07:08 PM

Or absinthe jello. Hmmm...:g:
Temperance, like chastity, is its own punishment. ~Four Vines "The Peasant"

Ça descend la gorge comme le bébé Jésus en culottes de velours.

You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you do not trust enough. ~Frank Crane

#29 DesertWolf

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Posted 27 February 2007 - 07:12 PM

Lookout! Docs got an idea.... :devil:

Next big thing at the frat house.....
flaming absinthe jello shots
I start to feel like I am in an existentialist play written by a person with multiple personality disorder...

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." -- Philip K. Dick

"I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart." -- ee cummings


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