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Alan Moss

Absinthe Jokes?

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This subject seems to fit into the literature section better than elsewhere, so does anyone have any good absinthe jokes for Christmas?

 

Hopefully there are better ones than this ...

 

"Apparently, absinthe is used in the music industry to bleach the hard woods used in the making of stringed instruments, most notably harps.

 

Because absinthe makes the harp grow blonder!"

 

or the absinthe/farts/Honda one ...

 

I am sure I can count on some people here for a joke about specific brands, so please make them funny!

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With a slight spin off from another list and adapting a classic "coffee list"...

 

Signs You've Had Too Much Absinthe...

 

You've worn the finish off your absinthe table.

All your kids are named François.

Absomphe thinks you need to slow down.

TABreaux named his next creation after you.

Marcus owns the mortgage on your house.

The nurse needs a hydrometer to take your temperature.

When someone asks 'how are you' you say, 'well louched'.

You don't even wait for the water to get cold anymore.

You don't blush, you green.

You don't sweat, you ooze anethol.

You have a conniption over spilled water.

You have a picture of your absinthe glass on your coffee mug.

You introduce your spouse as your Green Fae.

You lick your glasses clean.

You name your cats Marianne and Charlotte.

You speak French without ever taking a lesson.

You'd be willing to spend time in a French prison.

Your first-aid kit contains two ounces of absinthe and a bottle of water.

Your fountain is insured by Lloyds of London.

Your life's goal is to own an herb farm.

Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.

Your taste buds are so numb; you could drink your lava lamp.

Your fountain is on wheels.

You've worn out the handle on your favorite spigot.

With your spoons, you know you’ll never eat soup again.

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I Tivo'ed the SNL from last weekend. My daughter and I laughed ourselves silly over that "song"! I still giggle a bit when thinking of it. A new classic.

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jmfranc/dereksart.

 

What can I say, I like my jokes brief.

Edited by Absomphe

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Tell me you watched the music video!

 

Tell me you watched the Where to Shave, Optical Inch, Test Drive, & Testimonials! :laf:

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Funny one, T73!

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Wow, it seems that some of you guys have been drinking! Off topic, and very "off" topic. I can hardly share these with my mother-in-law on Christmas Day, can I?

 

So would it be fair to say, that apart from Absomphe's suggestion, there are no good absinthe jokes?

 

Although I did like the two cats named Charlotte and Marianne ...

Edited by Alan

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It probably wouldn't be too hard to come up with a handful of "How many absintheurs/absinthiana collectors/HGers/czech swill producers/La Fee representatives/whatever does it take to change a light bulb?" jokes.

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3 absinthe drinkers to change a light bulb.

1 to actually change it.

2 to argue whether the light was nearly as good as pre-ban light.

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And whether or not the bulb was manufactured in the Czech, France, Switzerland etc.

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You bet! Despite the bold warning, I was afraid it went beyond the boundaries of appropriate posting. My apologies if anyone was offended. Yes, I am a heathen.

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Finally got an absinthe joke in time for Valentine's Day .....

 

He loved her very much. He wanted this Valentine’s day to be special, So he had ordered a bottle of her favorite liquor imported from Switzerland and it had arrived in time for the occasion (Edit: of course!). On his way home, he stopped at the local florist. He had planned to have a bouquet made with her favorite flower, white anemones. But to his dismay, he found that the florist had sold all her flowers and had only a few stems of feathery ferns left for decoration.

 

In a moment of inspiration, he had the answer. He asked the florist to make a bouquet using the flask of liquor instead of flowers and what she produced was magnificent well beyond his expectations. He added a card, and proceeded home. When he arrived, his wife was beautiful in her most elegant gown, and it was apparent that she had spent much of the day preparing a romantic candlelight dinner for the two of them.

 

He presented her with his gift, and she opened the card to read, “Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.”

 

With a tear in her eye, she whispered to him lovingly, “Yes, and with fronds like these, who needs anemones.”

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Oh, my, Alan! Say it ain't so, dude! :laf:

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