Jump to content
Thomas

New Member. Very Long Intro!

Recommended Posts

Because you’re responses have been fairly amusing, and demonstrate a certain level of primitive wit, I am disposed to make a concession.

After my guests have departed, and there have been no embarrassing interruptions; Par example someone crashing through the door, dropping his pants, and roaring "Sausage time!" you may all enter, (through the tradesman’s entrance of course), and consume whatever wine is left in the bottles, avail yourselves of any discarded remnants of food, and amuse yourselves with the hired help.

I cannot say fairer than that.

 

Now if you will excuse me, I have an appointment at Ouchy the Clowns place.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wouldn’t have given Pah Bull the satisfaction of even answering him Alan. He knows full well we invented the Black Pudding. Don’t stoop to their level Alan, it’s virtually impossible anyway. The spinal column of a Gentleman of breeding is just not designed to stoop so low. This lot have modified theirs, over many years of determined effort, for the sole purpose of reaching down and pleasuring themselves.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm worried that Thomas may not be all he pretends to be. The Black Pudding (which Americans call Blood Sausage) originates from Scotland, according to Wikipedia. Yet at the start of this thread (remember?), Thomas said he was from England in the U.K. What is going on?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I will not sit idly by while my nation's cuisine is libelled in this way:-

 

You obviously have not tried The Fat Duck named Best Restaurant in the World in 2005 which serves dishes like "snail porridge," "sardine on toast sorbet", and "salmon poached with liquorice."

 

Does licorice taste like anise? :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I haven't tried it, but I guess it would. This is what it looks like .. It seems that many of the dishes from this restaurant are on this site (Click "previous" or "next.") I hope you like this breakfast treat in the USA. It is making me hungry for my lunch - must go now.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

ah hem.......Ahhh, Mzz Painter!.........Can I take this opportunity to welcome you to my humble little thread.

It isn’t much, but I like to call it home.

 

I do not think I have had the pleasure of you yet? Are you from Shai's residence?

 

You have met Alan?

 

Allow me take your coat.

Oh, forgive me, let me dust off this chair so that you can sit down………s'asseoir ici s'il vous plaît madame.

 

Do you know, it is so refreshing to have a visit from someone who appreciates the finer things. I don't get much opportunity these days, since my lodgers moved in.

 

Now my dear....what can I offer you? A glass of champagne perhaps? A chilled Pimms?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Be very careful, Dakini Painter. Thomas has just one thing on his mind, as his earlier reference to black puddings a.k.a. blood sausages demonstrates. Blood sausage indeed! Don't let his smooth Mancunian accent fool you (spot the oxymoron).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
you may all enter, (through the tradesman’s entrance of course)
Is THAT what you're calling your "back door" these days?
Now if you will excuse me, I have an appointment at Ouchy the Clowns place.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
For some reason or other, I thought of this song:
A Wedding in Cherokee County

 

There she is sitting there

Out behind the smoke-house in her rocking chair

She don't say nothin'

She don't do nothin'

She don't feel nothin'

She don't know nothin'

Maybe she's crazy, I don't know

Maybe that's why I love her so

 

Her papa was a midget

Her mama was a whore

Her grandad was a newsboy 'til he was eighty-four

What a slimy old bastard he was

Man don't you think I know she hates me

Man don't you think I know that she's no good

If she knew how she'd be unfaithful to me

I think she'd kill me if she could

Maybe she's crazy I don't know

Maybe that's why I love her so

 

I'm not afraid of the Greywolf ;)

Who stalks through our forest at dawn

As long as I have her beside me

I have the strength to carry on

 

Today we will be married

And all the freaks that she knows will be there

And all the people from the village will be there

To congratulate us

I will carry her across the threshold

I will make dim the light

I will attempt to spend my love within her

Though I will try with all my might

She will laugh at my mighty sword

She will laugh at my mighty sword

Why must everybody laugh at my mighty sword?

Lord, help me if you will

Maybe we're both crazy, I don't know

Maybe that's why I love her so

 

(Randy Newman)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Man, I take two days off and am outed as Ouchy the Clown in my absence.

 

And Trainer, when did you tun into the "gate keeper?" I hate that movie.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry Trainer, I was referring to your sig.

 

Thomas, I am responsible for the cockroach story but not the lobster. I am sorry that you had to see that.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
A man with a head like a pear

was in for a terrible scare.

His thread was too short

I'm sad to report

Cuz Shai had us all over there.

 

Trainer! I was so impressed by your poem that I am inspired to start a poetry competition!

The winner of which will take away these!

 

 

post-702-1153511430_thumb.jpg

 

 

Yes......they are Theatre's chaps and, as much as I have become attached to them, I am prepared to let them go, for Arts sake.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Edit: For Shai:

 

Oh, OK. Thought it was a reference to the limerick.

 

Someone wrong-numbered for something like "Dana" a few days ago, soon after I saw the Ghostbusters nailing Jesus at FV. That line popped into my head, couldn't say it cuz I was at work, and it got stuck.

 

I hoped to exorcise it by infecting others.

 

Edit: I think them there chaps will fit me nicely, thanks!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It looks like I'm missing quite a party. I hope I'll be forgiven for intruding... but....

 

Could we have some of the guys maybe model those chaps, first? I know that sure would inspire me to be poetic.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Can, but don't have to.

 

Note the pocket on the left thigh. You can keep your license and cash there, instead of stuffing yer jock.

 

Unless you need to stuff yer jock, but that's more than I need to know.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sorry Trainer, I was referring to your sig.

 

Thomas, I am responsible for the cockroach story but not the lobster. I am sorry that you had to see that.

 

It's Ok. In time the memory will fade.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh, I'd be delighted to stay, Thomas, thank you. I should warn you that I have a rather uninhibited laugh that's drawn a glare or two for its heartiness. If I stay I have no doubt you'll be hearing it frequently.

 

And don't worry, I'll bring the turpentine.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

C’mon Peeps, I’m taking you out of here. This tired old thread has had its day. We’ll have one more drink, for old time sake, before we go. Pass the turpentine darlin’. You know, I’ve grown pretty fond of this old place. I have some good memories. Hey, remember the time when we all got roaring drunk, and Trainer and Pan had that argument over that last quart of Sebor? And how we all drove over to the emergency room to watch them sew Pan Buh’s ear back on? Then when we all got back Trainer went over to Pan and handed that bottle right over to him, with tears in his eyes. Do you remember what Pan did with that bottle honey? No baby….don’t cry, you know Trainer’s gotten used to it now, and that he’s writin’ poetry.

 

 

Right, that’s it, I’m bowing out, you’ve all been great but you’ve humored me long enough! There’s been some brilliant responses to my crazy posts, really got into the spirit of it for a couple of days! That makeover Trainer did on my long post was feckin brilliant!

Anyway, I’m gonna lurk for a few days and read all the threads I haven’t read yet!

It’s a goldmine!

 

See ya later! ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We need another woman to keep you two strapping men busy. I'll just dance around the periphery, shaking my tambourine and spurring you on to greater heights of whatever.

Ok, I very nearly injured myself laughing at that one. Nicely done :laf:

 

So I don't log on for a while and I come back to find my husband invited to a foursome? I guess it's OK with Brooks...but i get to watch ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Look, I'm very sorry. I'm late to the party. There is a reason. Hiram waylaid me, GreenImp held me down and gave me drugs quite similar in flavor to vintage Herbsaint. I tried to resist *shudder* I tried. I was dazzled with GreenImps's sophisticated shoes and Hiram's large hat. It was a failing on my part, I readily admit. it isn't an excuse, but surely it was a reason. So here I am, I brought my cocktail kit. We can have '29 Dom in a Champagne Cocktail, and I've got all the fixings for Amontilado Martinis once those interlopers stop lusting after that suspicious green ennui (or should I say, eau de vie de ballz?) So shall we all proceed to the verranah? It's rather warm.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
"In those days we didn’t have Internet porn or Hustler.

Yes I am THAT old!"

 

 

Pre-Hustler? wow. Sorry dude.

 

 

They were lean and desperate times

 

In my town in the early 60s This was all that was available.

 

 

post-702-1153747913.jpg

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But of course we didn't even have the bottle, at fifteen, to actually go in and buy one of these over the counter, from the local newsagent. Perish the thought! Our only source was when you were lucky enough to find a few torn-out pages blown against a thorny hedge by the side of the road, down some country lane or other.

 

Then there would be a scrap over who would look at them first!

 

 

 

But then the mini skirt was invented, and all was well with the world. :devil:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...

×